I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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