Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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