So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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