Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
