My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
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He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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