I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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