this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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