i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
