So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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