Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
