My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
