Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
