Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
