im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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