Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
