theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
