No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
