Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize