Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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