hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
