Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
