I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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