You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
