I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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