I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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