did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
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Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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