so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
