i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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