I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
