I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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