Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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