I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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