I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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