Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
