white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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