he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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