i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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