I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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