One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
