i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
