I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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