I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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