woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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