i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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