Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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