My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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