careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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