dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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