Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
