I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
