hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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