I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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