what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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