he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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