sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
