You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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