I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
