I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
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Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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