Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dick very happy bro
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
