i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize