Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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