This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
