you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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