just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
