Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
