We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
