I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
