Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
