Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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