Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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