Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You don't make any sense
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