I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
