I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
