Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize