I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
