i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
